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 "'Dog'
Doo" by Scott Mantz
"Dog Park"
Luke Wilson, Natasha Henstridge
Directed by Bruce McCulloch
There are three
unbearable situations that I'd hate to be in. The first is having
my car break down on the backstreets of North Philadelphia. The
second is being on a rowboat in the middle of a hurricane. Finally,
the third is being a single guy in the 90's (which I am). It's a
bloody take-no-prisoners battleground out there in the dating world.
It's hard enough to meet women as it is, but the craziness of the
world today makes people so paranoid. You can forget about walking
up to a complete stranger and introducing yourself. Blind dates
suck, and meeting quality people at a bar just doesn't happen (trust
me, I know!). Which is why I just couldn't buy the storyline in
"Dog Park". Unrealistic and poorly written, I wouldn't even bother
waiting for cable.
Andy (Luke Wilson)
and Lorna (Natasha Henstridge) are both distraught over failed relationships
when they meet at a bar (oh, please!) and go back to her place (I
said, "Oh, please!"). They bond in some screwed-up way, but she
blows him off when he sends her roses. Andy confides in Jeri (Janeane
Garofalo) and Jeff (Bruce McCulloch), who may seem like a too-cute
couple, but there's obviously something beneath the surface. Half
the action takes place at the local park, where everyone takes solace
in walking their dogs. Both Andy and Lorna date other people before
they get their act together and realize they're right for each other.
Too many things
occur at the outset that loses me for the rest of the film. First,
Andy and Lorna are depressed over relationships with people who
were outrageously wrong for them. Second, an attractive woman like
Lorna giving a loser like Andy a smile at a bar just doesn't happen
(trust me, I know!). Also, the last time I went to a singles bar
(just the other day), it was overly crowded with a guy-to-girl ratio
of 10-to-1 (in LA, we call this a "dude ranch"). This place was
dead. Where was everybody?
I can't buy
Luke Wilson as a single loser. You can dress him up as a geek with
a boring job, but he's just too good-looking to fit the part. His
performance is so uninspired, he must either realize how bad the
dialogue is or he just doesn't know what dating is really like (maybe
he should just try acting!). It's nice to see Henstridge in a film
where she doesn't have to take her clothes off, but even her decent
performance can't save the film.
There are two
saving graces that keep "Park" from being a total dog. Every film
should have an insurance clause to cast Janeane Garofalo. Her sarcastically
wise delivery is so authoritative, you'd think she really does have
all the answers, at lease until her own life turns upside down.
However, let's not forget about the dogs! Now, there's some inspired
casting with excellent performances to boot! The scenes with the
sweet-but-sensitive pet psychologist are the funniest in the film,
but too bad they couldn't make a whole movie out of that. Woof!
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