"The Cad in the Fat Suit"
by Scott Mantz

"Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat"
Mike Myers, Kelly Preston
Directed by Bo Welch

That darn cat! Spencer Breslin, Mike Myers and Dakota Fanning trash a classic in "The Cat in the Hat"

Once upon a time,
there was a guy named Mike.
He tried so very hard,
and he was easy to like.

He was in a few movies,
that made a little money.
They weren't very good,
but at least he was funny.

Then he struck paydirt,
when he played Austin Powers.
But after three big films,
he retired to the showers.

Producer Brian Grazer,
gave him a call.
Since he did "The Grinch,"
another Seuss would be a ball.

A big Hollywood version,
of the classic "Cat in the Hat?"
With today's special effects,
what could top that?

Well, it just goes to show you,
that looks don't mean much.
Because this script and story,
lack the magic touch.

What started out strong,
like a cute kids movie,
Turned into a mess,
that was anything but groovy.

The sets and costumes,
were clever, fun and bright.
But once the mayhem ensues,
something isn't quite right.

There's not much of a story,
though the book didn't have one either.
But the film is so chaotic,
that you need to take a breather.

Mike Myers tries his best,
like he did in the hit "Shrek."
But when all is said and done,
even he can't save this dreck.

Instead of being charming and fun,
the film is vile and disgusting.
Like a bad acid trip,
it all adds up to nothing.

Sure it will make money,
as many of them often do.
But the bottom line is,
this film just blew.

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