|
"A 'Whole'
Waste of Time"
by Scott Mantz
"The Whole Nine Yards"
Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry
Directed by Jonathan Lynn
You've got it
to hand to Matthew Perry. While he's been able to maintain a fresh
presence as Chandler Bing on TV's still hot "Friends", he hasn't
had much success with feature films. Have you ever noticed that
all his roles have been different variations of the same character?
In "Fools Rush In", he was Chandler Bing the night club owner. In
"Three to Tango" he was Chandler Bing the architect. Now, in "The
Whole Nine Yards", he's Chandler Bing the dentist. His pension for
slapstick provides for some of the film's finer moments, but otherwise
it lapses into a lesson in absurdity that not even the presence
of Bruce Willis can save.
Nicholas "Oz"
Oseransky (Matthew Perry) is a miserable dentist living in Montreal
with his miserable wife Sophie (Rosanna Arquette). Just when his
life couldn't get any worse, he realizes that his new neighbor is
actually Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis), a convicted hit
man who's hiding out after ratting on his former employers. Sophie
convinces Oz to travel to Chicago to rat on Jimmy, and upon his
arrival, he meets Jimmy's estranged wife Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge).
They consummate their relationship, and when Jimmy finds out, he's
understandably peeved . In no time, Oz is in over his head, and
the more he tries to get out, the further he gets pulled back in.
After proving
his acting chops with last year's "The Sixth Sense", Bruce Willis
returns to the type of cocky deadpan role that threatened to ruin
his career in the first place. His presence will no doubt serve
as an insurance policy to lure moviegoers into theaters, but otherwise
he simply walks through his role with his trademark smirk and foreboding
attitude. The fact that his bother David co-produced the film probably
had something to do with his casting, so let this be a lesson to
aspiring filmmakers that nepotism definitely has its drawbacks.
After an impressive
turn as the convicted man-child in "The Green Mile", Michael Clarke
Duncan lightens up as Willis former partner. His plays well off
his co-stars and gives Perry his best chances to get a laugh out
of the audience. Kevin Pollack plays a mob boss with an amusing
speech impediment that would make Elmer Fudd seem educated by comparison.
However, Amanda Peet is the one to watch as Perry's sexy dental
assistant Jill. She's caring, nurturing, and flirtatious, but don't
let that fool you. It's all a cover so she can realize her dream
of being a top notch hitman (or hitwoman).
The film wastes
no time in setting up the story, but it also wastes no time in setting
up the absurdity. As a result, whatever connection the audience
could possibly make is lost from the outset. Never mind that Rosanna
Arquette dons a French accent that's pathetically unconvincing.
Never mind that Willis does little to conceal his true identity.
Never mind that most of the jokes fall flat. The film is filled
with so many deplorable characters that the only person you're left
feeling sorry for is yourself.
Casting an actor
like Matthew Perry is difficult. He has about as much a chance of
playing a serial killer as Jerry Seinfeld does of playing an army
sergeant in a war movie. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but
if you're going to play the role you were born to play, you may
as well play it in a movie that it was born to be in. Unfortunately
for Perry, this isn't it.
|
