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 "Very
Little 'Women'" by Scott Mantz
"8 1/2 Women"
John Standling, Matthew Delamere
Directed by Peter Greenaway
Words cannot
describe the grief that one goes through when a loved one passes
away. People grieve in different ways, but it's probably best that
they share that grief with members of their family. Well, I've heard
of family bonding, but this is ridiculous. "8 1/2 Women" is such
an incomprehensible mess, that the only thing I found myself grieving
for was the time I wasted watching it.
After his wife
passes away, Philip (John Standing) finds solace in his son, Storey
(Matthew Delamere). Communicating perhaps for the first time in
their lives, they decide that the best way to move on, is by having
a good time with a few women--8 1/2 to be exact. Among the many
women they invite to live with them in their palatial estate are
Greselda (Toni Collette), a former nun who is questioning her faith,
Beryl (Amanda Plummer), an animal lover recovering from a fall off
a horse, and Palmira (Polly Walker), a diva who turns the act of
making love into a strategically planned event. Once Philip and
Storey get over their little escapade, they have to figure out how
to get these women out of their house.
If I had a thought
bubble protruding from my head after watching this movie, the one
thing you would see is one big question mark. At a grueling 2 hours,
I just couldn't help but think, "Huh?" Among some of the more baffling
moments in "8 1/2 Women" are talk about kissing one's own penis
and sleeping with a corpse, the father stripping down to his birthday
suit at his wife's funeral, and one ridiculous scene in which father
and son get ready to make love! How's that for shock value? The
problem is that the shock here doesn't have any value whatsoever.
About 30 minutes
into the film, John Standing utters the words, "All this narcissism
is rather boring, isn't it?" Yes, it sure is. When Standing and
Delamere aren't taking their clothes off and proudly displaying
their private parts, they're talking endlessly about topics so boring
and mundane, you have to wonder what writer/director Peter Greenaway
was going for. Standing is obviously losing his mind, and Delamere
displays so much weird behavior and insensitivity that you never
even bother trying to make a connection. Later in the film, Standing
says the line, "How many film directors make films to satisfy their
sexual fantasies?" Judging by the events in this film, the answer
is, "At least one."
Toni Collette
seems awkward and uncomfortable in her role as the sexually confused
nun. Who can blame her? One has to assume that she filmed it long
before her Oscar-nominated role in "The Sixth Sense." If anybody
is right at home here, it's Amanda Plummer. Best known for her more
quirky roles, she fits right in as the injured freak recuperating
at the Emmenthal mansion. Otherwise the rest of the film is so weird--so
completely strange--that you just can't wait for it to end.
When it comes
to avant-garde cinema, there's a fine line that separates the art
from the crap. You can file "8 1/2 Women" on the crap side. I kept
waiting for something to happen--something to make the film make
some kind of sense. Nothing does. If it was Greenaway's plan to
make a disturbing and meaningless piece of work, then he definitely
succeeded. People grieve in different ways, but I'll bet many people
are grieving over the lost time they spent making this movie.
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