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 "Stupid
"Movie'" by Scott Mantz
"Scary Movie"
Anna Faris, Carmen Electra
Directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans
If you haven't
already figured it out, then you should know that Hollywood is a
separate society that has its own set of rules and commandments.
For example, while Webster's Dictionary defines a spoof as "a light
satirical parody," Hollywood's Dictionary defines a spoof as "a
clear indication that a film genre has worn out its welcome." Just
look at cop movies, which were sent to the slammer with the "Naked
Gun" film series, or air disasters pics, which got their flights
delayed with the mother of all spoof movies, "Airplane!" Now, those
oh-so-hip horror movies of the 90's finally get their due, and all
I can say is "enough with the spoofs already!" It's one thing to
scrape the bottom of the barrel, but "Scary Movie," a sendup of
trendy horror films like "Scream" and "I Know What You Did Last
Summer," scrapes the bottom of the toilet. Sure, there were a few
moments where I laughed so hard until it hurt, but for the most
part, "Scary Movie" just hurt.
Considering
that it was directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans, the man responsible
for TV's groundbreaking "In Living Color," one has to wonder what
he was thinking when he decided to make "Scary Movie" (or maybe
he wasn't thinking at all). Perhaps I'm starting to show my age,
but the only thing scary about "Scary Movie" is knowing that Harvey
Weinstein, co-Chairman of Miramax Pictures (and one of the most
powerful players in Hollywood), looked at this script and said,
"This is a movie that has to be made!"
The plot--or
lack thereof--concerns a group of shallow high school students who
kill a man by accident. They secretly dispose of his body, only
to become haunted by a killer who wears a very familiar outfit.
If that sounds remarkably similar to both "Scream" and "I Know What
You Did Last Summer," it should. The two films were the object of
separate spoof projects that were welded together to produce this
masterpiece of cinematic excrement. Considering that it is a spoof,
a number of recent films are also given dishonorable mention, including
"The Exorcist," "The Usual Suspects," "The Matrix," and the often-parodied
"The Blair Witch Project."
Wayans is certainly
no stranger to poking fun at film genres, and his classic "I'm Gonna
Get You, Sucka!" a spoof of the early 70's "blaxploitation" pictures,
was one of the more intelligent parodies to hit the screen. This
time around, it's quite obvious that Wayans is going for the type
of humor that made the Farrelly brothers famous, and in that sense,
the Farrellys can pretty much pack their bag of dildos and go home.
The film certainly starts off with a few funny jokes, but then it
falls apart big-time. It's one thing to spoof a genre, but it's
another thing entirely to simply use classic scenes from other films
and splice them all together, hoping that the end result will be
funny. In most cases, it isn't.
Obviously, the
target victims here are the under-25 crowd, and there's no doubt
that "Scary Movie" will make a killing at the box office. However,
Wayans attempt to stay one step ahead of the audience backfires,
with the audience instead staying one step ahead of him. By the
time the very predictable jokes finally do happen, they're dead
on arrival. The first scene contains a character named Drew, named
after Drew Barrymore, the first person to die in the first "Scream"
film. Another character, the one inspired by Sarah Michelle Gellar's
character from "I Know What You Did Last Summer," is named Buffy,
named after Gellar's own hit TV show. Finally, where the principal
in the first "Scream" was played by Henry "the Fonz" Winkler, the
principal here is played by David "Squiggy" Lander. Before you can
say "Oh, I get it," you've spun your head around 360 degrees and
spit up pea soup.
Considering
how raunchy the jokes are, one has to wonder which version the Motion
Picture Association of America saw when they gave it an R rating.
There's more male genitalia shown here than there was in "Boogie
Nights," and one gratuitous sex scene shows a man using a weed chopper
to cut away excessive pubic hair. There are also more bodily fluids
shown here than all of last year's porn movies combined, and to
top it off, one death scene has a man being killed after a prosthetic
penis is stuck through his head. Yeah. Real funny stuff.
Come to think
of it, maybe I'm not showing my age. It was just last year that
I practically peed my pants with laughter during "American Pie,"
and this year's "Road Trip" was definitely worth the, well, trip.
If you're going to make a spoof, then at least make it funny. It
took no less than six screenwriters, including fellow Wayans brothers
Shawn and Marlon, to come up with this dreck. The attempt to be
hip and clever was so obvious that it fell as flat as Shannon Elizabeth's
stomach. Wayans only motivation seems to be to throw as many jokes
out there as he can until he gets a laugh, but like a bunch of rotten
tomatoes, they just splatter against the wall.
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