"'Fantastic' Bore"
by Scott Mantz

"Fantastic Four"
Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis,
Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd
Directed by Tim Story

Bad hair day!  Jessica Alba fights back in "Fantastic Four"

If imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, then Marvel Comics pioneers Stan Lee and Jack Kirby must have been extremely flattered by last fall’s “The Incredibles.”  Then again, you’d be pretty flattered too if a comic book you created way back in 1961 about a dysfunctional family of superheroes bore a striking resemblance to a critically acclaimed box office hit that also won an Oscar for Best Animated Feature.

What’s truly remarkable is that for a comic book that was given the moniker “The World’s Greatest Comic Magazine,” it took all these years for Hollywood to give “The Fantastic Four” the big screen treatment it deserved.  Actually, a film version already was produced back in 1994, but that low-budget cookie-cutter adaptation from producer Roger Corman was so God-awful and unwatchable, it was never even given an official theatrical release (bootleg versions can usually be found at comic conventions, but watch it if you dare!).

But since Marvel had so much critical and commercial success recently with the “Spider-Man” and “X-Men” movies, and since computer-generated special effects have grown in leaps and bounds over the years, the timing was perfect to finally turn “The Worlds Greatest Comic Magazine” into “The World’s Greatest Comic Movie.”  Too bad this isn’t it.  Despite the presence of vibrant, colorful production values and a more family friendly tone (compared to this summer’s other comic book feature, the ultra-serious “Batman Begins”), “Fantastic Four” is so corny, cheesy and second-rate, the infamous 1994 version isn’t looking so bad after all.

In an effort to crack the human genetics code, Dr. Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) gathers several top scientists for a dangerous mission into outer space.  But when a cosmic storm penetrates their space station sooner than expected, Dr. Richards and his team – including best friend Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), ex-girlfriend Sue Storm (Jessica Alba), her brother Johnny Storm (Chris Evans), and mission financier Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) – are exposed to cosmic rays that physically mutate their bodies.  Once back on earth, Reed gains the ability to stretch his body as Mr. Fantastic; Sue renders herself invisible as the Invisible Woman; Johnny takes flight as the Human Torch; and Ben transforms into a hulking rock-like creature called the Thing.  Von Doom has also been affected, but he has more destructive intentions in mind for the unsuspecting citizens of New York City.  Only the Fantastic Four can stand in his way, but first, they must face an even bigger task – surviving each other.

One of the reasons that the superheroes of the Marvel Comics universe have endured over the decades was because of their ability to stay grounded in reality, despite their incredible abilities and far-out adventures.  In the case of “The Fantastic Four,” that reality came in the form of their instantly relatable dynamic as a character-driven dysfunctional family.  Sure, they all gained incredible powers that were used to fight the forces of evil, but the relationships between these four very different personalities always took center stage (which is just one of the reasons why “The Incredibles” was such a rousing success).  As a result, devoted readers relished in taking them seriously while maintaining the imaginative sense of fun that kept them turning the pages of every issue.

But if the comic book took itself seriously, then the big screen version doesn’t take itself seriously enough.  There’s no doubt that director Tim Story (“Barbershop,” “Taxi”) was aiming for a fun vibe that was more accessible to families than the adult-skewering “X-Men” movies, but the special effects aren’t very good, and there are times when the movie is so corny and contrived that it invokes bursts of unintentional laughter.  I can certainly suspend my disbelief at some of the details, like having a space station with artificial gravity, but why does Sue Storm have to wear a ton of makeup on such a dangerous mission into outer space? 

It gets worse, as the film gets stuck in neutral in terms of advancing the story.  After a crisis on a New York bridge where the Fantastic Four display their powers for the first time, it doesn’t make sense that they would suddenly be treated like celebrities and make the cover of People Magazine the very next day.  Beyond that, they spend way too much time arguing and using their powers on each other when they should be out on the streets using them to help their fellow New Yorkers (though it is worth noting that a scene where Mr. Fantastic rescues a cat from a tree was cut because of its similarity to “The Incredibles”).

Performance-wise, Chris Evans steals the movie.  By playing the Human Torch like a cocky and arrogant rock star, he almost resembles a young Tom Cruise during his “Top Gun” heyday.  Jessica Alba also takes the right approach given the hokey tone of the film, but Ioan Gruffudd seems more out of his element in a big summer action movie like this.  As the Thing, Michael Chiklis may have insisted on wearing a full latex outfit instead of being enhanced by computer-generated special effects, but the results look kind of cheesy.  And while Dr. Doom was the seminal villain in the comic book, Julian McMahon never plays him with enough gusto to make him resonate as the type of bad guy you love to hate.

While casual moviegoers not familiar with the source material may find some fun in this otherwise forgettable summertime diversion, longtime fans of the comic will surely be disappointed.  The plot is invisible, the foundation is hardly rock-solid, the story never catches fire, and it’s just not very strong by any stretch of the imagination.  And of course, the ultimate irony is that “The Incredibles” did a much better job at replicating the dynamic of the Fantastic Four than the Fantastic Four did in their own movie.

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