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 "'Crew'
Cut" by Scott Mantz
"The Crew"
Richard Dreyfuss, Burt Reynolds
Directed by Michael Dinner
You've got to
hand it to Hollywood. Just when you think you've seen it all and
the latest crop of studio films couldn't get any worse, along comes
"The Crew." Even by late-August standards (of which there are practically
none), here's a film that's so incredibly awful, that you wish someone
would come along and put the film into an early retirement.
Bobby Bartellemeo
(Richard Dreyfuss), Joey "Bats" Pistella (Burt Reynolds), Mike "The
Brick" Donatelli (Dan Hedaya), and Tony "Mouth" Donato (Seymour
Cassel) have been the best of friends since they were gangsters,
but those days are long gone. Where they were once living the high
life of organized crime, they now spend their days wasting away
in a retirement community in Miami Beach. When their rent is doubled
in an attempt to attract a younger and more upscale clientele, these
grumpy old wiseguys take the law into their own hands. Brick steals
a body from the mortuary to fake a murder and drive their rent back
down. When the already dead body is identified as the father of
a local drug lord, these old friends have to act fast or they'll
soon be sleeping with the fishes.
I don't know
which is worse--the slapstick that's dead on arrival or the pain
in watching big screen veterans like Richard Dreyfuss and Burt Reynolds
wallow in juvenile potty humor. The "Grumpy Old Goodfellas" shtick
seems better suited for television, which makes sense considering
screenwriter Barry Fanaro paid his dues writing for TV's "The Golden
Girls." On the big screen, the absurdity of the story is magnified
to the point where it is too contrived and ridiculous to be believed.
The characterization is completely one-dimensional, with each old
geezer playing a rehashed stereotype of a mobster from either "Goodfellas,"
"The Sopranos," or any number of superior gangster films. There
is an attempt to give the film some depth with a subplot regarding
Bobby's long-lost daughter, but the execution is ineffectively conveyed.
Maybe the concept
looked good on paper, which would certainly explain Dreyfuss' involvement
in the film. Actually, he looked more like he was on vacation, while
director Michael Dinner filmed whatever happened (of which nothing
does). As for Burt Reynolds, his presence here as a loose cannon
is enough to make you forget about his career-defining performance
in 1997's "Boogie Nights." Dan Hedaya putters through his supporting
role with lame and unfunny jokes, while Seymour Cassel gets off
easy, simply because his character has nothing to say.
Aging Rocker
(as in rock'n'roller--not rocking chair!) Neil Young once sang that
"it's better to burn out than to fade away." If actors have roles
like this to look forward to in their later years, then maybe there's
some truth to those lyrics. How else could you explain reading a
script like this and saying "there's something here?" In the end,
I kept waiting for someone in the audience to shout out "Bingo"
so we could all go home.
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