"Critics Attack 'Pearl Harbor!' So What Else is New?"
by Scott Mantz

The Producers! Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay on the set of "Pearl Harbor"

It was anything but a sneak attack at the box office. After months of relentless campaigning, "Pearl Harbor" finally opened on Memorial Day Weekend and--not surprisingly--took in $75.2 million in ticket sales, making it the second-highest 4-day opening in movie history ("The Lost World: Jurassic Park" still holds the number one spot with $90.2 million).

What is surprising is just how vicious critics were when they torpedoed the 3-hour epic by giving it some of the worst reviews since "Freddy Got Fingered." It's almost like they had a grudge against the filmmakers and couldn't wait to shred it to pieces. Among the highlights, Desson Howe of The Washington Post: "Bore-a, Bore-a, Bore-a." Peter Travers of Rolling Stone: "...deep down phony." Mike Clark of USA Today: "One of the wimpiest wartime romances ever filmed."

That's gotta hurt, but then again, what on earth did you expect? After all, we are talking about a Michael Bay movie--a name synonymous with slick, corny, extravagant big-budget popcorn fodder. Now, I'll be the first to admit that "Pearl Harbor" was one of the most cliche-ridden movies to come out of Hollywood in years, but let's be honest--given the reputation of everyone involved, it wasn't that bad. Besides, producer Jerry Bruckheimer and producer/director Michael Bay are hardly known for being the Merchant-Ivory of the cineplexes (as evidenced by "Bad Boys," "The Rock," and "Armageddon"), so it's hardly surprising that they made a mindless summer blockbuster that was totally devoid of intelligence.

For the record, "Pearl Harbor" was never intended to be a history lesson about the events that led up to the infamous attack, and Bay and Bruckheimer will be the first to admit it. If anything, it's quite obvious that they were going for the "Titanic" route--right down to Faith Hill's power ballad over the closing credits. Let's fact it, Bay and Bruckheimer are filmmakers--not historians. It's their job to entertain, and entertain they did--at least in terms of that spectacular battle scene.

Of course, they had a motive for appealing to the lowest common denominator, and that motive was--yep, you guessed it--money. In order to keep the $135 million budget under control (you call $135 million under control?), members of the cast and crew either had to defer their salary or take a percentage of the back-end. That meant that nobody--not even Bay or Bruckheimer--would see a dime until the picture turned a profit. Based on those terms, it's easy to see why they chose to appeal to the masses by keeping the film as politically correct as possible--even if it meant glossing over so many factual inaccuracies.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not defending Michael Bay as a filmmaker by any means. Between his penchant for quick cuts and shoddy dialogue, his movies aren't exactly my cup of tea. In fact, the more I think about it, "Pearl Harbor" was actually a stark contrast to his usual style, as the love story was incredibly slow, bland, and unintentionally funny. In those terms--and in those terms only--the bad reviews were right on the money.

Since Michael Bay has become something of a genre unto himself, you know what to expect the moment you walk into one of his movies. In that sense, "Pearl Harbor" did not disappoint. It'll make a lot of money, because no matter what the critics say--myself included--there are still plenty of people who like his style. And you know what? That's just fine.

Like with everything else, variety is the spice of life, and even with a subject matter like this, there's still plenty to choose from. If you're looking for realistic bloodshed, go rent "Saving Private Ryan." If you're looking for a history lesson, go rent "Tora! Tora! Tora!" If you're looking for an emotionally gripping love story, go buy (you heard me, buy!) "From Here to Eternity." Finally, if you're looking for a patriotic blast of a good time at the movies, then go see "Pearl Harbor." As flawed as it is, it will blow you away.

Back to Scott's New Movie Reviews

Review Archives